10 Alternative Christmas Films That Aren't Die Hard and One That Should Die, Hard.
Fed up of watching those same old Christmas films year after year? Here's a bunch of alternatives that might just become your Christmas stalwarts in the future; none of which are Die Hard. Otherwise you can just shove Elf on for the thousandth time and bleed from your ears.
1. Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale
Think Santa is a jolly fellow who dishes out presents to children who have behaved themselves all year? Well not in Finland. In Finland he's evil, kidnaps children and therefore had to be captured and entombed in a secret location to rid the world of his torment. When a deer trapper finds a creepy old man caught in one of his traps and kids start to go missing the locals fear Santa may be back to exact his revenge...
2. Gremlins 2: The New Batch
The no holds barred bonkers follow up to the classic horror comedy, Gremlins 2 is absolute nonsense from start to finish but that's why it's so great. The film swaps out a sleepy little village for an ultra modern business complex and ramps the comedy, carnage and stupidity up as hard as possible. It's basically Die Hard but with mutated Mogwais instead of German terrorists.
3. Pastorella
What happens when the new pastor in town recasts the role of The Devil in the local nativity play? All manner of chaos ensues, that's what. A hilarious Mexican Christmas film that everyone should see. "But I don't like films with subtitles", "if I wanted to read I'd get a book". Can it! This is a great Christmas movie that everyone should see.
4. Anna and the Apocalypse
Anna and the Apocalypse is what you might call a RomZomMusiCom or Romantic Zombie Musical Comedy. Think Shaun of the Dead crossed with High School Musical and you're not far off. AATA is a great deal of fun with great songs and some genuinely horrific scenes. Even if you hate musicals there's still plenty to love about this film and you should still give it a shot. A film that deserves to be a classic and sure to be a cult favourite.
5. Ghostbusters 2
Ghostbusters 2 is often slated as a pointless sequel with phoned in performances and a dumb story but those opinions are wrong. Ghosbusters 2 is a wonderful film full of great performances, unforgettable moments and a truly terrifying villain. The cast are on fire as you would expect from some of the best comedians of their generation and Norbert Grupe puts in a great turn as Vigo of Carpathia. On a side note you can read more about the life of Norbert Grupe in this fantastic article.
6. 12 Monkeys
Yes it's a Christmas film! An epidemic viral outbreak in December 1996 forces humanity underground. Far in the future, James Cole is selected to travel back in time to thwart the Army of the Twelve Monkeys who reportedly released the virus. As with all time travel movies, this is a bit of a head fuck. That it's directed by Terry Gilliam just amplifies the fact.
7. Children of Men
The argument for Children of Men being a Christmas film is simple. It's a modern day retelling of the Nativity, oh and it was released in the US on Christmas Day. In a world where no children have been born in two decades and the youngest living person (a celebrity for that fact) has just died, society is on the brink of collapse. A civil servant played by Clive Owen is entrusted with protecting a young refugee (who it turns out is pregnant) and getting her to a safe haven. Children of Men is a stunningly written, acted and executed dystopian Sci-Fi masterpiece.
8. A Christmas Tale
What says Christmas more than a film about a dysfunctional family reunion? After Junon becomes ill with cancer it turns out the only one who can save her is middle son Henri who was banished from the family by his sister years earlier. Eh? This one's another foreign language film so unless you speak French you'll need your reading glasses and an attention span.
9. Batman Returns
Remember the days when cinema wasn't completely saturated by superhero movies? Well you can re-live those glory days with Batman Returns. A dark, dreary but also comical outing for the Dark Knight. Forget batman though, the main reason to watch this is for Danny DeVito as The Penguin. It's pretty much his audition for Frank Reynolds. Manky. Also, Christopher Walken is impeccable as ever.
10. Tokyo Godfathers
When two men and a young girl, all homeless, discover a discarded newborn baby in a pile of garbage, they resolve to track down the parents and return their child to them. Tokyo Godfathers is an emotional, darkly comic adventure through the grimy streets of Tokyo with a trio of unlikely heros. The animation is gorgeous, the acting is superb and the story timeless. I don't care if you don't like anime, I don't like anime...but I loved Tokyo Godfathers.
11. The One That Should Die…Hard…Santa With Muscles
Watching the trailer for this is bad enough. Hulk Hogan is Santa With Muscles. Hulk Hogan should never have been allowed to be an actor. This film needs to Die, Hard.
I hope you enjoyed this list. Why bother spending time with your family when you can all ignore each other and watch some great movies?! Alternatively, put Santa With Muscles on and you'll all be playing Monopoly again in no time.
Merry Christmas you filthy animals.
Peace.
